So, I have been seeing this wonderful gentleman for a very short period of time. He is one of the very few qualified man that I've met in the last year or so. He passes all the check list so to speak; honest, loyal, good family, educated, Iranian, five years older then me, truly a gentleman, generous, caring, loving, established ... a nice guy. Few weeks ago we went to dinner and I had all the intention to end things. He picked me up from my office on Thursday night sharp at seven p.m. As we got into the elevator, he was looking at me with so much love. Love just emanated from every cell of his body. I looked at him and taught, maybe I should give it a shot and wait. Maybe I should give the chance to myself and see how it will turn out. So we had dinner and I gave my speech that I like thing to go very slowly,... .
See, the problem is lack of physical attraction. I have been going back and forth in my mind to determine how important the initial attraction is. He has such a good personality that I could see myself falling in love with him. He initially asked me out last year and I said no. Over the period of one year, I saw him at the parties and few months ago I asked myself why did I say no to him? He seems like a very nice guy. Interestingly enough, he asked me out again this year and I accept it. His intention is to get married. I feel suffocated.
Am I trying to sabotage my relationship with him? Or is it simply the lack of initial spark?
I feel that I am not ready to settle down. Maybe because he is the wrong person for me? How important is the initial attraction and spark? Some say it will grow, but I highly doubt it. So in the last two weeks I have been struggling with the idea of putting an end to it or just as he recommended, jump in it. What a scary taught.
Finally I made my decision, I have to end it before it gets out of hand.
Last night I had dinner with him and I told him that I am not there yet. I am not ready for a relationship. After a long conversation he said, I do not understand what that means to be ready. There is no such a thing as I don't know. It seems that you are speaking Chinese to me.
You see, my personality is very free and let it unfold type of thing without any pressure. He is an engineer, he wants concrete answer, plans,.. . My only concern is what if I am never ready. Or what if I am ready when it's to late. Or is there such a thing as to late. To later for what?
See, the problem is lack of physical attraction. I have been going back and forth in my mind to determine how important the initial attraction is. He has such a good personality that I could see myself falling in love with him. He initially asked me out last year and I said no. Over the period of one year, I saw him at the parties and few months ago I asked myself why did I say no to him? He seems like a very nice guy. Interestingly enough, he asked me out again this year and I accept it. His intention is to get married. I feel suffocated.
Am I trying to sabotage my relationship with him? Or is it simply the lack of initial spark?
I feel that I am not ready to settle down. Maybe because he is the wrong person for me? How important is the initial attraction and spark? Some say it will grow, but I highly doubt it. So in the last two weeks I have been struggling with the idea of putting an end to it or just as he recommended, jump in it. What a scary taught.
Finally I made my decision, I have to end it before it gets out of hand.
Last night I had dinner with him and I told him that I am not there yet. I am not ready for a relationship. After a long conversation he said, I do not understand what that means to be ready. There is no such a thing as I don't know. It seems that you are speaking Chinese to me.
You see, my personality is very free and let it unfold type of thing without any pressure. He is an engineer, he wants concrete answer, plans,.. . My only concern is what if I am never ready. Or what if I am ready when it's to late. Or is there such a thing as to late. To later for what?
I was a bit sad last night. But this morning when I opened my eyes I felt light and free again.
4 comments:
OH MY GOD!! THAT'S THE EXACT SAME THING IHAVE BEEN DEALING WITH...EXACT SAME SCENARIO...GREAT PERSON, VERY VERY VERY SUCCESSFUL ON A WORLDWIDE LEVEL, NICE SWEET...BUT NO ATTRACTION! ON MY PART THAT IS...I DID THE SAME THING, AND HAD THE SAME DILEMAS YOU HAD...BUT UNFORTUNATELY FOR ME, HE'S ALSO AN ATTORNEY AND NOT SO EASY TO BACK OFF...HE SAID THE SAME THINGS TO ME AS YOUR GENTLEMAN SAID...HOW HE JUST COULDN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT I WAS SAYING...I DON'T KNOW IF I MADE THE RIGHT DECISION AND I FEEL LIKE EVERY OTHER GIRL WOULD'VE JUMPED AT THE OPPORTUNITY TO BE WITH THIS GUY...
when you are ready, you will know. If you are not sure, you are not ready.
Physical attraction is very important. It's not the only thing of course, but it is equally important as the emotional and spiritual connection. Hold out for the one who holds all 3 attractions, physical, emotional and spiritual.
It will happen when you least expect it and then it will hit you like a truck. You won't see it coming and it will knock you off your feet :)
I agree with 'mockingbird' but not when it comes to YOU! When you are ready does not mean that there will be a sign in the sky or on your forehead when you wake up that says: "this is your day- you are ready." When you think suffocation and Commitment go hand in hand...you've got some "C" issues!! (and rightly so in your case). Live life, learn and MOVE ON. Right now, you think you are moving forward when you are really just running in circles.
I totally agree with Themockingbird too. If you marry him, you will end up having an affair the first chance you get and if you are not that kind, you will be miserable in your marriage. I think, attraction if everything, the rest can work out. This marriage thing is very individual thing. It’s not, one size fits all kind of endeavor. What worked and made someone else happy may be totally disastrous for you or me. We all have different needs, because we are different. I’m sure you know that. Your life should be tailor made for you. There is no “normal;” when it gets to having a life partner. You and I may never find the right one and that’s just life. I rather be miserable alone than share :)
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