Sadness

I don’t think I am sad per se. But I am not as happy as last year or a year before. Maybe I have matured. Maybe I am more me. Maybe I am more comfortable. May be I have no mask in front of good friends any more. Or maybe I am sad.

Once upon a time

Have you noticed that different people bring different side of you out. Some people bring the best and some bring the worst out of you.

Once upon a time I had this lover who brought the best out of me. With him I was wonderful, relax, spiritual, motivated, deep, healthy, energetic, thin and happy.

And once upon a time I had this boyfriend who brought the worst out of me. I was insecure, angry and jealous. Sometimes I would get so angry that I thought I will have a heartattack. I believed that I had temper issues. I started seeing a therapist so I can get my anger under control. Ironically, not too many people have seen me angry because I never get angry. But with him I would go to the roof. Recently I read that lack of trust in relationship brings, insecurity, anger and jealousy. So maybe it was all due to lack of trust. Perhaps.

Over the years

I saw an old lover this weekend. Over the last few year, he has grown, became kinder and calmer. We spend the whole night, eating, drinking red wine, talking, looking at the read fire and listing to great music.

People come and go in your life, but there are very few who remain in your life over the years. Every birthday I compare the people that surround me or call me. This year I got a lot of calls from my friends. On my actual birthday I saw some random people that I had not seen for a long time. I spend the night of my B-day with the last people on earth that I thought I would spend my birthday with. And interestingly the very few people that I taught I would see were not there.

People come and go.