Response

People who are religious have it very easy because god and any thing related to god is all based on faith. They don’t ask any questions. They are just followers and that’s called faith. On the other hand, the thinkers would have a hard time. The thinkers are also more responsible as they accept responsibilities for their lives. But again we are so powerless. Imagine a bee entering your noise. That could potentially kill you. So how much control do you have over your life?

So maybe god is part of us or maybe we are god to some extend. And scientifically that is the power of your mind. You can have anything you want if you specifically ask for it. But how do you know what’s good for you? In fact there is a movie where this guy has the power to go back in time and create his life the way he wanted from birth or childhood, but every time something else went wrong. Anyone has seen that movie?

Strange Dream

I do miss him.
I told him that we should not talk as frequently for a while.
But, I just spoke to him.
He said that he had a strange dream last night.
He dreamt that he got up in the morning and went to the bathroom and looked at himself in the mirror.
He shook his head but the reflection in the mirror was not moving.
He got scared.
He came out of the bathroom and saw his only sister.
She said; “You found out, uh?!! We couldn’t tell you that you’ll die in 8 minutes."
He went back to the bathroom.
Looked at his reflection in the mirror again.
Shook his head back and forth,
but the reflection was not moving.
He was dead.

Soul

Everytime you break up with someone and end a relationship, part of your soul is gone.
Uhh. How accurate is this statement?

Wou

Wouuu. I have not been here for a long time. Alot has happened in the last 5 months:
I broke up with my boyfriend.
My sister got married.
I revisited with my aunts after 6 years.
I saw my cousin who is now 18 years old for the third time in my life.
I traveled to France for the third time. So far I have been to 14 countries and many cities.
I traveled to Iran and saw my father after two years. He no longer smokes cigarettes.
I bought a house and I recently finished unpacking.
I got a new car last week.
I got a letter from mayor of SF which was very exciting.
I lost 7 pounds.
I have gone to six weddings and I am going to one more this weekend;)
A good friend of mine moved away.
A good friend of mine broke up at their one year marriage anniversary just recently,
And two of my cousins graduated from universities.

Money

Uhh, that's much better. The color of my blog I mean. Back to the basic. It has more character.
It's so funny you hang out with millionaires or now days billioners and you think; dam I am so behind financially. You hang out with average people and you don't think about it. Why is money so important to some people? May be I should care more. What's real? Is money that important? I can not tolerate stingy people. They say stingy in money stingy in heart. I think it's true to some respect. Don't you?
Once I die, I have one house but I have enjoyed my life. Or I die and I have ten houses and all I did was fucking work and worry not to spend to much money on coffee!!!
But I love coffee.

Life Purpose

I have not been here for a while. I have been writing, but not publishing it. I just saw my blogg with the new green color. I do not like it. When I changed it from black to green I liked it at the beginning, but now it looks a bit fake!!! Maybe I am bipolar. I am not happy at all today. I just have a hard time finding a purpose for my life. What's the point? What is the purpose of my life or your life? There is really no point to be alive. We are born at point A and inevitably we all going to die at Point B.
Assuming that an average person will live 70 years, I do not know how am I going to live another 40 years here.

I T L I

I am looking forward to the rest of my life.
The unknown is exciting.
Life is really like a journey and I have to make the best of it.
I got up this morning and I realized that I am a very happy sole.

Faith v. Choice

I've learned not to stress over thing in life. Whatever needs to happen, will happen. Sometimes I think and rethink and think and analyze an issue over and over again. The more I think about it, the more confuse I get. So maybe I just have to let things go and see what life has in box for me?

There was a time that I use to plan things, but that does not work in reality. One move, one word, one person, one action and it will change everything. I've realized that I do not have control over things. My cousin said that's where faith comes in. But if you believe in faith that means you are willingly giving up your options and choices in life. I've always said life is about choices. But is it really? There are so many external influences in our lives that choice plays a part and faith plays the other.

Favorite Animal

I was flipping through the INC. Magazine and I stopped. I saw a beautiful picture of an orange-yellowish butterfly sitting on a blue daisy with a white background. For a moment it took me back to my childhood. Butterflies were my favorite. I even had a green butterfly necklace which I loved. I always had it on. One morning I woke up while on a trip to Isfahan and my beautiful butterfly was no longer around my neck. To me butterflies were the most beautiful, sensitive and free species that I knew. If I had to be anything I would have been a butterfly. They fly all over the world. See everything, experience hot and cold and if they don't like it they just fly some where else. So calm and relaxed. Their skin is so soft and delicate that they can die with a poke of a fingertip. They are not even capable of hurting anybody. In the Persian poetry butterflies are always with flowers and whipping candles. They are small, but they have a big heart. And that was me as a little .

Twenty some years later my favorite animal has become a black jaguar. Not even comparable. Jaguars. Not so pretty, not so delicate, no longer powerless and they won't die with a poke of a fingertip. Now, their poke can hurt a butterfly. They are dark, sleek, elegant, enigmatic and strong. They are patient and observant. Still calm, but nobody will F. with them.

Eventhough, I'm a jaguar, I still have the green butterfly inside.

Life

Life is very difficult. It really is.

Question

If you could have ask one question from god what would it be?

Mood

I am in such a crappy mood today.

Dr.'s Appointment

I was at the Dr.'s office yesterday to get my test result. I just went for the annual checkup, sugar, pressure, cholesterol,..., .
Hi, I have an appointment at 3:45.
-We'll the Dr. is in a surgery. Please have a sit.
How long do you anticipate to take before the Dr. gets here?
-Oh, about 30 Minutes.
May I reschedule because I have to be somewhere. I asked.
-Well, we have your lab results and the Dr. Needs to talk to you about it. There is a note on the folder.

What? What's wrong with me? I thought as I sat down in a cold Burgundy chair. For a minute my whole life came before me. What if the Dr. tells me that I only have another 10 or 8 years to live. What would I be doing differently? Where would I go? With whom would I spend most of my time?
I felt that my heart was beating faster and my pressure was rising. I never realized how much I liked to be alive. I always thought that I would not care if I die today. So what has changed?
I was pleased to realize that I would not be doing anything differently in my life. Except spending more time with my family. I am living my life day by day to its fullest just the way I want it. "Live as if it is your last day alive and love as if you have never been heart before." Finally the Dr. Came and told me that everything is perfect!!!

What would you do differently if you only had another 10 years to live?

Ordinary Life?

There is this fire inside you. There is this fire inside everybody that if it is not attended by the age of mid-twenties, it will die. There is the notion of living an extraordinary life, not an ordinary life. There is the notion of experiencing life, every minute of it in any way possible. There is certain comfort and stability in an ordinary life, but there is excitement in an extraordinary life.

When you look around, you'll see that babies are born, they go to school, get a job, choice a partner, get married and have more babies. Life seems like a circle that everybody follows. But is that our nature or is it our society that tells us the way we live our lives? Marriage is like a circle. People who are in it want to be out of it and people who are out of it want to be in the circle. Ironically both groups are unhappy. Why is that? Is it because by nature humans are never satisfied? Is it because people want to complain no matter what they have? Is it because people take others for granted? Or is it because people simply don't know how to live their lives happily and be content with what they have?

You choose a path to either be part of this nature-society life style or not. If you choose the path that most people do, then you got to find a partner, be committed and get married. But if you don't chose that path, then there is a chance that you won't be married, never have a family and won't have the emotional intimacy and stability in your life. The most difficult part is that after certain age it becomes harder and harder to stop, turn around and change your path to an "ordinary life."

So what do you do?

Happiness

Most people think that it takes a lot of different things, specifically money to be happy. But that's where they are wrong. Happiness is within you. You can have everything in the world and still not be happy. The recent research indicated that what brings happiness to people is love, good companionship and circle of good friends. I recently watched a Japanese movie called, after life. The concept was very interesting where number of people were dead and they were in an interim stage. The dead people had to pick a memory from their life time and the remaining memories would be erased. There was a seventy two years old guy who could not come up with any memory. So they gave him seventy two tapes, each representing a year of his life and asked him to watch it. It seemed that he had a very ordinary life, married and going to work everyday. The memory that he wanted to keep was about a night that he went to see a movie with his wife!! Interestingly, most people's memories involved someone else such as when they were in love or when they shared something with someone,... . I mean, think about it, what memory would you pick and why?

I always thought that there are two ways to deal with any situations or people; either accept it or leave it. But a friend of mine said, "or you can compromise a little. Bring it up or down a level to match each other."

As we grow older we learn that we should not or need not to compromise any more. We get so comfortable in our comfort zone that any change will shatter it. It's the fear of unknown and lack of courage to take risks. But that is the beauty of life. The unknown. Don't you think?

Anger

Anybody can get angry. But, being angry at the right time, for a right reason with the right person is hard. I have learned to watch my emotions. Meaning actually think about what I feel as I feel it. Getting to the roots of my emotions are not easy. Sometimes I have to go back many years. When you learn to watch your emotions objectively, you are not defensive anymore. You learn that alot of your responses are merely a reaction. It's your choice how to react to any situation. There is serenity and calmness in watching your emotions objectively.

First class

I had lunch with a friend of mine who is also an attorney. We always talk about everything and nothing.
-Life could be very mundane if you just repeat the same things over and over again. I have a short attention span. So what? We work, work, work and then what. I wish I knew what I wanted. I said.
- Well, why don't you add some passion? I don't mean it that way. I mean doing something that you are passionate about.
_ Yahh. I brought this Daff, an Iranian music instrument, from Iran. I have been playing with it. I am actually looking for a teacher.

So I came back to my office and through one phone call I was able to get a hold of Ostad(teacher) Zolfonon who is a well known Iranian musician. My first session is tonight at 7:30. I am actually excited about it. Sometimes it does not take much time or effort to start something that you like. The key is WANTING to do it. Realizing that you really want to do it and then the rest will follow.

Last year

I found this on my computer dated last year 2/04!!! with a painting that I can't cut and paste.



This is . Life is.
We are who we are.
Why not?
Significant of nothingness.
The unknown makes it exciting.
Feb/04

Discriminating Experiences

I've always had the urgency to live my life to the fullest. That meant that I had to experience almost everything once, I had to be at many places, parties and gathering as much as I could. I could not sit still and relax. I constantly had to do something. I have not change much. If I'm sitting at a cafe by myself, I have to read a book or a newspaper because I just can't sit still. I consider myself very lucky to realize how precious life is at the early age. I try to travel and go to a new country once a year. 2003 was Thailand. At the end of 2004 I went to Iran, India and Paris. I came back January 20, 2005 to San Francisco. The very next day I went to Lake Tahoe and since then I've gone to Tahoe twice more and last week I went to Dallas, Texas. I constantly have to do something. When I travel, I almost lose contact with everybody. I do not repeat my routine life such as eating the same food, wearing a watch,.... It helps me to gain a new perspective.
Yesterday, as I was sitting and reading my book at home , I realized that I have not change much since I came back from India, except that I have become more selective in my experiences. I discriminate or reject experiences that are not good for me. I think discrimination marks the truly passionate. In my case it could be a sign of truly living my life and perhaps becoming more mature.
As Irish poet William Butler Yearts described gathering carefully chosen experiences " as if for a collector's cabinet."