Three months rule

It takes about three months for people to start showing themselves. It takes about three months on avarage to see people's pattern.

She said.

"We broke up last night and all I had to do was to throw his toothbrush in the garbage." She said.

Twin Sisters

Yesterday I ran into a twin sister who had just celebrated their 86 birthday. They were dressed alike. Both were wearing navy blue pants, white shirt and red scarves. Their blond hair were meticulously styled. One of the sister appeared to have more disappointment in her life as she had more wrinkles around her mouth and the sides of her lips were shaped downwards.

They reminded me of my sister and I. One day if we are lucky enough to live that long, we also will loss all of our youth and beauty and will have wrinkles all over our face.

I probably will be the one with more wrinkles because I have had many heartbreaks in my life. But despite that I take it easy and I have been desensitized to disappointments now. I believe that anything is possible and nothing, absolutely nothing, surprises me any more. So maybe my sister would have more wrinkles as she stress about every little thing in life.

What would be one advise that you guys can give me? I asked the twins.

The one who seemed more disappointed in life said, “ Don’t take life so seriously.”
Enjoy. It is over before you know it. Said the other twin.

Feelings

It is amazingly sad that as you grow older you become more and more cautious not only with your feelings but even with expressing them.

Innocence

So how does one losses its innocent? Is it at certain age? Is it when you lose your virginity? Is it when you start lying to others? Is it when your heart is shattered to pieces? Is it when you are in the society and you have to become a wolf just to survive? Is it when you lose something so dear to you?
So when is it? How is it?

Did you know?

Did You Know That.….?

It's physically impossible for you to lick your elbow.
A snail can sleep for three years.
On average people fear spiders more than they do death.
Pearls melt in vinegar.
You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating 1 olive from each salad served in first-class.
The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer.
Marilyn Monroe had six toes.
All US Presidents have worn glasses. Some just didn't like being seen wearing them in public.

2007 in New York

I always wanted to spend a new year in New York and here I am. It's beautiful and gray with all the Christmas lights on.
I was so touched by number of phone calls that I received to wish me a happy new year in New York time and not California time. I had tears in my eyes. It's a blessing to be loved by others. I was happy that I'm surrounded by good loving people around me.
I love you all.

On the plane to New York

On the way to New York I was sitting next to a middle age gentleman in the airplane. The flight was at 10:45 at night. I was getting myself ready to take a nap as the plane was taking off. I took my glasses off, wrapped a blanket around me and closed my eyes. I felt an uncomfortable energy from the man who was sitting next to me. I opened my right eye and looked at him from corner of my eye without moving. He was about mid fifties, tall, blue eyes, small nose, white hair and pale face. He was squeezing his face so hard that could see every little wrinkle around his left eye. His eyes were closed with his feast rapped around his legs.

Are you ok? I asked.
He grabbed my hands and said something really quickly that I did not understand before I even finished my question. He was afraid of flying.
He has a son and a daughter who is a student at Santa Cruz University. His wife left him 2 years ago after 25 years of marriage for another lesbian.

Sadness

I don’t think I am sad per se. But I am not as happy as last year or a year before. Maybe I have matured. Maybe I am more me. Maybe I am more comfortable. May be I have no mask in front of good friends any more. Or maybe I am sad.

Once upon a time

Have you noticed that different people bring different side of you out. Some people bring the best and some bring the worst out of you.

Once upon a time I had this lover who brought the best out of me. With him I was wonderful, relax, spiritual, motivated, deep, healthy, energetic, thin and happy.

And once upon a time I had this boyfriend who brought the worst out of me. I was insecure, angry and jealous. Sometimes I would get so angry that I thought I will have a heartattack. I believed that I had temper issues. I started seeing a therapist so I can get my anger under control. Ironically, not too many people have seen me angry because I never get angry. But with him I would go to the roof. Recently I read that lack of trust in relationship brings, insecurity, anger and jealousy. So maybe it was all due to lack of trust. Perhaps.

Over the years

I saw an old lover this weekend. Over the last few year, he has grown, became kinder and calmer. We spend the whole night, eating, drinking red wine, talking, looking at the read fire and listing to great music.

People come and go in your life, but there are very few who remain in your life over the years. Every birthday I compare the people that surround me or call me. This year I got a lot of calls from my friends. On my actual birthday I saw some random people that I had not seen for a long time. I spend the night of my B-day with the last people on earth that I thought I would spend my birthday with. And interestingly the very few people that I taught I would see were not there.

People come and go.

Response

People who are religious have it very easy because god and any thing related to god is all based on faith. They don’t ask any questions. They are just followers and that’s called faith. On the other hand, the thinkers would have a hard time. The thinkers are also more responsible as they accept responsibilities for their lives. But again we are so powerless. Imagine a bee entering your noise. That could potentially kill you. So how much control do you have over your life?

So maybe god is part of us or maybe we are god to some extend. And scientifically that is the power of your mind. You can have anything you want if you specifically ask for it. But how do you know what’s good for you? In fact there is a movie where this guy has the power to go back in time and create his life the way he wanted from birth or childhood, but every time something else went wrong. Anyone has seen that movie?

Strange Dream

I do miss him.
I told him that we should not talk as frequently for a while.
But, I just spoke to him.
He said that he had a strange dream last night.
He dreamt that he got up in the morning and went to the bathroom and looked at himself in the mirror.
He shook his head but the reflection in the mirror was not moving.
He got scared.
He came out of the bathroom and saw his only sister.
She said; “You found out, uh?!! We couldn’t tell you that you’ll die in 8 minutes."
He went back to the bathroom.
Looked at his reflection in the mirror again.
Shook his head back and forth,
but the reflection was not moving.
He was dead.

Soul

Everytime you break up with someone and end a relationship, part of your soul is gone.
Uhh. How accurate is this statement?

Wou

Wouuu. I have not been here for a long time. Alot has happened in the last 5 months:
I broke up with my boyfriend.
My sister got married.
I revisited with my aunts after 6 years.
I saw my cousin who is now 18 years old for the third time in my life.
I traveled to France for the third time. So far I have been to 14 countries and many cities.
I traveled to Iran and saw my father after two years. He no longer smokes cigarettes.
I bought a house and I recently finished unpacking.
I got a new car last week.
I got a letter from mayor of SF which was very exciting.
I lost 7 pounds.
I have gone to six weddings and I am going to one more this weekend;)
A good friend of mine moved away.
A good friend of mine broke up at their one year marriage anniversary just recently,
And two of my cousins graduated from universities.

Money

Uhh, that's much better. The color of my blog I mean. Back to the basic. It has more character.
It's so funny you hang out with millionaires or now days billioners and you think; dam I am so behind financially. You hang out with average people and you don't think about it. Why is money so important to some people? May be I should care more. What's real? Is money that important? I can not tolerate stingy people. They say stingy in money stingy in heart. I think it's true to some respect. Don't you?
Once I die, I have one house but I have enjoyed my life. Or I die and I have ten houses and all I did was fucking work and worry not to spend to much money on coffee!!!
But I love coffee.

Life Purpose

I have not been here for a while. I have been writing, but not publishing it. I just saw my blogg with the new green color. I do not like it. When I changed it from black to green I liked it at the beginning, but now it looks a bit fake!!! Maybe I am bipolar. I am not happy at all today. I just have a hard time finding a purpose for my life. What's the point? What is the purpose of my life or your life? There is really no point to be alive. We are born at point A and inevitably we all going to die at Point B.
Assuming that an average person will live 70 years, I do not know how am I going to live another 40 years here.

I T L I

I am looking forward to the rest of my life.
The unknown is exciting.
Life is really like a journey and I have to make the best of it.
I got up this morning and I realized that I am a very happy sole.

Faith v. Choice

I've learned not to stress over thing in life. Whatever needs to happen, will happen. Sometimes I think and rethink and think and analyze an issue over and over again. The more I think about it, the more confuse I get. So maybe I just have to let things go and see what life has in box for me?

There was a time that I use to plan things, but that does not work in reality. One move, one word, one person, one action and it will change everything. I've realized that I do not have control over things. My cousin said that's where faith comes in. But if you believe in faith that means you are willingly giving up your options and choices in life. I've always said life is about choices. But is it really? There are so many external influences in our lives that choice plays a part and faith plays the other.

Favorite Animal

I was flipping through the INC. Magazine and I stopped. I saw a beautiful picture of an orange-yellowish butterfly sitting on a blue daisy with a white background. For a moment it took me back to my childhood. Butterflies were my favorite. I even had a green butterfly necklace which I loved. I always had it on. One morning I woke up while on a trip to Isfahan and my beautiful butterfly was no longer around my neck. To me butterflies were the most beautiful, sensitive and free species that I knew. If I had to be anything I would have been a butterfly. They fly all over the world. See everything, experience hot and cold and if they don't like it they just fly some where else. So calm and relaxed. Their skin is so soft and delicate that they can die with a poke of a fingertip. They are not even capable of hurting anybody. In the Persian poetry butterflies are always with flowers and whipping candles. They are small, but they have a big heart. And that was me as a little .

Twenty some years later my favorite animal has become a black jaguar. Not even comparable. Jaguars. Not so pretty, not so delicate, no longer powerless and they won't die with a poke of a fingertip. Now, their poke can hurt a butterfly. They are dark, sleek, elegant, enigmatic and strong. They are patient and observant. Still calm, but nobody will F. with them.

Eventhough, I'm a jaguar, I still have the green butterfly inside.