Sadness

I don’t think I am sad per se. But I am not as happy as last year or a year before. Maybe I have matured. Maybe I am more me. Maybe I am more comfortable. May be I have no mask in front of good friends any more. Or maybe I am sad.

Once upon a time

Have you noticed that different people bring different side of you out. Some people bring the best and some bring the worst out of you.

Once upon a time I had this lover who brought the best out of me. With him I was wonderful, relax, spiritual, motivated, deep, healthy, energetic, thin and happy.

And once upon a time I had this boyfriend who brought the worst out of me. I was insecure, angry and jealous. Sometimes I would get so angry that I thought I will have a heartattack. I believed that I had temper issues. I started seeing a therapist so I can get my anger under control. Ironically, not too many people have seen me angry because I never get angry. But with him I would go to the roof. Recently I read that lack of trust in relationship brings, insecurity, anger and jealousy. So maybe it was all due to lack of trust. Perhaps.

Over the years

I saw an old lover this weekend. Over the last few year, he has grown, became kinder and calmer. We spend the whole night, eating, drinking red wine, talking, looking at the read fire and listing to great music.

People come and go in your life, but there are very few who remain in your life over the years. Every birthday I compare the people that surround me or call me. This year I got a lot of calls from my friends. On my actual birthday I saw some random people that I had not seen for a long time. I spend the night of my B-day with the last people on earth that I thought I would spend my birthday with. And interestingly the very few people that I taught I would see were not there.

People come and go.

Response

People who are religious have it very easy because god and any thing related to god is all based on faith. They don’t ask any questions. They are just followers and that’s called faith. On the other hand, the thinkers would have a hard time. The thinkers are also more responsible as they accept responsibilities for their lives. But again we are so powerless. Imagine a bee entering your noise. That could potentially kill you. So how much control do you have over your life?

So maybe god is part of us or maybe we are god to some extend. And scientifically that is the power of your mind. You can have anything you want if you specifically ask for it. But how do you know what’s good for you? In fact there is a movie where this guy has the power to go back in time and create his life the way he wanted from birth or childhood, but every time something else went wrong. Anyone has seen that movie?

Strange Dream

I do miss him.
I told him that we should not talk as frequently for a while.
But, I just spoke to him.
He said that he had a strange dream last night.
He dreamt that he got up in the morning and went to the bathroom and looked at himself in the mirror.
He shook his head but the reflection in the mirror was not moving.
He got scared.
He came out of the bathroom and saw his only sister.
She said; “You found out, uh?!! We couldn’t tell you that you’ll die in 8 minutes."
He went back to the bathroom.
Looked at his reflection in the mirror again.
Shook his head back and forth,
but the reflection was not moving.
He was dead.

Soul

Everytime you break up with someone and end a relationship, part of your soul is gone.
Uhh. How accurate is this statement?

Wou

Wouuu. I have not been here for a long time. Alot has happened in the last 5 months:
I broke up with my boyfriend.
My sister got married.
I revisited with my aunts after 6 years.
I saw my cousin who is now 18 years old for the third time in my life.
I traveled to France for the third time. So far I have been to 14 countries and many cities.
I traveled to Iran and saw my father after two years. He no longer smokes cigarettes.
I bought a house and I recently finished unpacking.
I got a new car last week.
I got a letter from mayor of SF which was very exciting.
I lost 7 pounds.
I have gone to six weddings and I am going to one more this weekend;)
A good friend of mine moved away.
A good friend of mine broke up at their one year marriage anniversary just recently,
And two of my cousins graduated from universities.

Money

Uhh, that's much better. The color of my blog I mean. Back to the basic. It has more character.
It's so funny you hang out with millionaires or now days billioners and you think; dam I am so behind financially. You hang out with average people and you don't think about it. Why is money so important to some people? May be I should care more. What's real? Is money that important? I can not tolerate stingy people. They say stingy in money stingy in heart. I think it's true to some respect. Don't you?
Once I die, I have one house but I have enjoyed my life. Or I die and I have ten houses and all I did was fucking work and worry not to spend to much money on coffee!!!
But I love coffee.

Life Purpose

I have not been here for a while. I have been writing, but not publishing it. I just saw my blogg with the new green color. I do not like it. When I changed it from black to green I liked it at the beginning, but now it looks a bit fake!!! Maybe I am bipolar. I am not happy at all today. I just have a hard time finding a purpose for my life. What's the point? What is the purpose of my life or your life? There is really no point to be alive. We are born at point A and inevitably we all going to die at Point B.
Assuming that an average person will live 70 years, I do not know how am I going to live another 40 years here.

I T L I

I am looking forward to the rest of my life.
The unknown is exciting.
Life is really like a journey and I have to make the best of it.
I got up this morning and I realized that I am a very happy sole.